The Best is Yet to Come

    I was about to write a Chinese aricle of my advanture of rafting, because I was afraid my English was too bad. But I couldn't use Chinese characters to describe what I felt. It is like I have lots of things to say but suddenly I am stuck. Fortunately, in the email I worte to my best friend Flora, I started to realize what I really wanted to say. Thanks...Flora.

 

 

 

    前半年的时间狂忙学习.终于到夏天了,可以暂时歇息一下了. 三个星期前,星期二刚考完试,周末就急不可耐的跑到多伦多.见到不少朋友.一周末说了很多话,嗓子后来都有点哑了. 跑去shopping,和朋友吃饭,听爵士乐,然后就是跑到club里狂扭. 回到家后,本来想是下周末无事可做,可以在家好好陪陪K. 无奈他老人家忙预算忙的死去活来. Tracy叫我去wonderland,于是,又疯狂的再一次跑到了多伦多.去一次真值.不光去了wonderland. 晚上是Gay Pride night, 又去狂扭. 第二天睡到自然醒后,去看了盛大的Gay Parade. 超级兴奋的. 开回家后,感觉还意犹未尽,手舞足蹈的给K描述这周末有多爽多爽.馋得他都不行. 上个周末,跑去马场看马,打算学牛仔骑马.看到我的instructor, 极其hot的一个女的.走路都象牛仔. 那身材,太好了.穿着大腿有洞的牛仔裤.她业余工作是bartender. 简直是我见过最cool的职业组合. 昨天是星期天,K带着我跑到了一个朋友的Cottage去. cottage挺破,但是有一极其美丽的湖边.我脱了裙子就跑下去游泳,非常爽.绝对是第一个下去最后一个上来的.后来K带着一个大白救生圈过来找我,边游边用他那西班牙口音喊:Rubin, Rubin..太可爱了.之后在甲板上晒太阳,我现在就黑人一个.晚上去K家吃barbeque,还吃moose meat,四个人喝了五瓶红酒,可能.聊到很晚.

    下周末打算去raft,还好我是HI member,便宜我不少. K又要忙他的工作,我只好自己去,就当是我去rocky mountains前的热身. 最近特激动,天天想着玩.以前做梦都想去rockies.这次真的能实现了! 本来又是要一个人去,K的妈妈要来.但朋友到处都是的我,居然在alberta找到了两个朋友跟我去.并把我奉为leader.哈哈.想想可以跑到好大好大的一个温泉里去泡,我心就养养.如果真觉得那好的话,回头在那找个工作,调养几个月.最近真挺享受的.不得不说,i love summer!

    Recently I saw too many news of the protests in Ti*bet. Regardless it is true or untrue, right or wrong, good or bad, justice or injustice, I just feel so angry when I see the stupid foreigners protesting as well in London, England, and stupid Bjork yelling Free Ti*bet in the concert. If you don't understand what you are doing, please don't do it. If you just want to be cool, please do something else, such as eating a watermelon (that is very cool, I think). Please do something which makes sense in your life, instead of messing everything up.

 

 

 

    Recently I have finished two books: one is from the Nobel Prize Peace Award winner Yunus: The Banker to the Poor; the other one is The World is Flat. They are both excellent books, especially the latter one. The author Friedman talks about globalization in a very special way: how the world should open itself and open source to the public. The world is so flat that we have nothing to hide, so we'd better hurry up to cooperate with each other and find a cost-effective way doing business. Excellent book! Everyone can apply the theory of this on his/her own story. It inspires me a lot. Highly recommend.

   Since I have met such two pieces of works, I decided the explore more. Last week I got another two books from Amazon.Com: The Logic of Life and Why Mexicans Don't Drink Molson. Cannot wait to finish the current one and start the new ones! 

It has been so long since last time I updated this blog. My friend told me that either you are too sad or too excited, you won't update it. Time flies. I've been working in this company for 13 months and known K for half a year. Is that amazing? You don't realize anything, and suddenly, bum, everything is in front of your eyes.

 

In this year, both mom and dad have come to visit. I went back to B.C.. I started to know some people in town. I know K. We started to date and get serious. I got promoted for my job. I went back to Beijing. I met lots of friends there. Then I came back to Town. Last weekend K and I went to a hotel with Jacuzzi in the bedroom in North Bay. We went to a nice restaurant and had nice wine. This weekend we are going to ski, which will be the second time to ski in my entire life. Next weekend I am going to Ottawa to take a test. and then and then and then......

 

My life definately is not perfect at all. I have gazillions of shits that I have to deal with. But I just have the strong feeling that I exactly know what I want. With that sensation, I won't lose my direction.

 

Always keep in my mind: The best is yet to come.

 

 

 

   今天是奋发图强学习的第一天,也是以后一个月地狱般日子的开始.其实我地狱般的日子是阶段性的.总是痛苦一段时间,就

要让自己爽一阵子,以至于耽搁了计划,下个阶段更痛苦.

   学的非常想吐,眼花了.就看看MSN上朋友的space.我就喜欢看别人的旅游照片,每次看好象跟自己去了那个地方那样开心.

今天看见,有人说爱北京天安门的,有人不想从欧洲回来的,有人说要到去party的,有人似乎顺着长江从西到东把中国转了个遍

的,有人炒基金又大赚的.没什么让人觉得不高兴的事,除了我自己的事.

   有人约我一起去擦我们的车.实在没时间,真的要学习啊.于是拒绝了,那人居然说没关系,他帮我擦.真不好意思.

   真希望现在能无所事事的晃悠.为什么我从没那种时光?

 

  

 

 

　　刚从温哥华回来，一周的假期结束，整个人懒懒的，非常不想工作．八月，是个离别的季节．整个季节

都飘着淡淡伤感的气氛．风是凉凉的，叶子是黄的或是红的，整体效果是怀旧版的．

　　妈妈要结束为期２个月的探访，回国了．我要是她，就非乐疯了，但换到我的位置，就没那么开心了．记得

每年回国过暑假，都是八月回加拿大：那时候北京通常立秋了，有点小凉风吹着，空气飘着各家各户的饭香，为

离别气氛创造了先决条件．而如今，没有回国，却同样经历着离别．似乎秋天虽然美丽，但绝非一个让人愉快的

季节．

　　在岛上几天时光很快乐．Walpole一家对我还一如既往的好．让我很难过这么短相聚后又要离开．我还是没

明白当时我吃错什么药了非要哭着喊着离开那个地方．导致我后来搬的地方一个不如一个．如果我没离开那里，

我现在还可以开着车和朋友一起去钓螃蟹，看海水，冲浪，甚至我想什么时候去泡天然温泉都可以．在自己身边

的时候从来没珍惜过，现在却暗自懊悔．当年家门口就是海，一年却没去过几次．马大建了新宿舍，新图书馆，

新教学楼．当年我住的宿舍被拆了．但我仍然能看见当年和大哥一起去过的运动场，还有那个为了省公车钱而

要走半个小时才到的超市．

　　人越老越容易怀旧，我早没了当年那份毅然决然．

　　朋友没有变，仍旧知心．

　　English Bay没有变，夜空仍旧宁谧

　　温哥华仍旧繁华，胜似繁华．

　　也许变的只有我吧．

　　八月是个离别的季节，在八月，我曾经离开过所有到过的地方．

　　人生还有多少个八月让我离开，有会有多少个八月让我从新开始？

 

Tomorrow I am leaving for Vancouver and the Island, to see the places I’ve been living in for one year. But mom is going back to China right after the trip.

Am I supposed to be happy or sad? We all know happy time is too short. One-week trip might be gone very fast. No matter how fascinating the trip will be, it will be ended.

 

This week I went to the lake everyday to swim. Swimming in lakes is so different. The water is cool, the view is good, and there is no tide. I remember I always fight with the tides in the sea.  It makes me feel strong and my heart is getting big. Lakes are so quiet. They are too deep, so the water is dark. You never know what is going to come out from the bottom. But I like feeling the danger. I hope I can still swim in the lakes when the leaves turn red.

 

Life is so simple, but thoughts can be complicated. There is always something to do or to think about. We are just never be able to have a real rest, are we? 

 

HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY THAT I LOVE YOU?

 

总是大步向前,风风火火.不敢缅怀.害怕一旦缅怀,便会停止不前.

马上就可以重回N城.我呆过整整一年的地方.我的快乐,我的单纯,我的孤单,我的眼泪,和我悲痛的成长过程.

一起都随着我的思念和梦想远去,似乎转瞬即逝.

但转瞬即逝也好,谁又希望痛苦总留心间呢?

 

只是,不时又会想起.

 

HAVE I TOLD YOU LATELY THAT I LOVE YOU?

HAVE I TOLD YOU THAT THERE IS NO ONE ELSE ABOVE YOU?

FILL MY HEART WITH GLADNESS,

TAKE AWAY ALL MY SADNESS,

EASE MY TROUBLES, THAT IS WHAT YOU DO.

 

 

    又是很久没写blog,于是前天匆匆的在下班前10分钟写了一篇.

    最近由于我妈在这里.我的生活就只能用8个字形容:东跑西颠,上窜下跳.腿都走细了.平时工作,一到周末,饭都顾

不上吃,就开车往外跑.由于上窜下跳的过分集中,导致有轻度的审美疲劳.

    插一句,我一直喜欢在网上看中文杂志,基本上是家居,旅游.老徐的<开啦>我基本上都看过.最新一期做的明显

比前几本好点了.前几本太过学术话,看来我也就一俗人.这期老徐主要写巴黎.

    要我说,老徐也是个能吹的人,继承了北京人的鲜明革命传统,把事儿往10倍以上吹.巴黎被她一吹,简直就成了

宗教信仰者们死后的最理想去处了.这都什么世道啊.杂志吹,我忍了.老徐总自诩才女,与众不同,到头来就一小资

的俗人.还经常把自己放在一种高处不胜寒的位置.受广大中国男同胞的追捧估计感觉太爽,不想下来了.

    先损到这.再说审美疲劳的问题.一朋友刚去了北欧某城市.看了他的照片,突然感觉人生特灰暗:无论是巴黎,还是

他照片中的北欧,都跟加拿大一模样.我上窜下跳几个星期的结果就是,越蹿越没情绪.

    比较北欧,巴黎,还我我照片里的魁北克城和蒙特利尔,把他们混一块儿,我都分不出哪儿跟哪儿.

    巴黎和Montreal相似,有情可原,都是法国的产物呗.那北欧呢?还记得几个朋友以前聊建筑风格的时候,说的我是

天旋地转,他们是兴奋得飞沫横飞.现在看来我就一草根文化的产物,完全欣赏不了.

    还是找个大城市让我购物吧.在多伦多有个周末边买东西,边听Gwen Stephie的the Sweet Escape,感觉超爽.

整个人兴奋得都想扭动起来.

    这个星期终于可以歇歇了,不用东跑西颠了,顺便让我的钱包也缓缓. 我打算找个湖边坐一下午,然后再去个朋友

家的湖边木屋吃个晚饭. 繁忙后的安定让我觉得舒服.

    最近到处玩,最让我舒服的就是边听街边的艺术家演奏,边坐在小餐馆的室外座位上喝点红酒.凉风吹着,感觉很好.

    在Montreal的时候正赶上了国际爵士乐节,喝点红酒,在户外听免费爵士乐,也挺好.

    看来还是简单点好.其他一切都有点扯.

  I talked to one of my friend on MSN today. She has been in Canada for 9 years, and she
told me she was tired of this kind of life: quiet,peaceful but boring. She said she got
everything she wanted in Canada, and now she wanted to go back to Beijing.

Lives are so cyclic that there is no surprises at all! She is searching jobs in Beijing,
just like what she did 3 years ago when she graduated from university. We were talking about
our expectations,new life, new city and excitements.

  But is there truly something new, or is it just a pattern of life we have to follow all
the time?

  I mean, some people keep their lifestyles unchanged, for a long time. In comparison, We are
changing our lifestyles, changing the cities we are living, and crazy about travelling. We
have been bragging about our uniqueness,and one of our 80's generation's characteristics:
changing.

  But when this uniqueness becomes a pattern of life, and changing becomes a generic phenomenon,
are we really able to call ourselves unsettling and different, or are we just ordinary as
everyone else? Maybe we actually settle down, by this unsettled and unstable way.

  I heard the stories in China, that young people spend all their salaries every month without
saving. The stories are also true that some young people change their jobs frequently, because
they quit jobs for a long vacation to travel.

They are on their way to Tibet or somewhere else which we usually feel it a spiritual place to
be. Are they really looking for some spirits, or think about themselves, or meditate?

  I doubt.

  I cannot think, because once I think, I will realize there are so many unreasonable things
in my belief.

  So miserable.

    好久没写blog了.

    最近被两部音乐爱情故事感动.

    一部是the Phantom of the Opera.歌剧院魅影. 感谢Tracy,能帮我们买到前6排的票.让我能够完全清晰的看清演员的表情.

在去剧院前,我把电影看了.把音乐下载了.音乐真的很好听,听到我现在自己都可以唱的地步.当我真正做在剧院看表演时,感动冲动

一泻千里.我为了我喜欢的Phantom把手拍红了.Tracy跟我说她差点哭了的时候,看见花儿后面狂抹眼泪. 什么叫剧院经典,我领略到

了. 我刹那间突然理解了电台的coco曾跟我说,当她听Sarah Brightman的演唱会,哭的都不行了. 音乐的魅力真的很大.可以让丑陋的

人变的伟大,可以让一段爱情悲剧变得如此绝美. 感谢这种让我热泪盈眶的感动与冲动, 他们让我知道我还有颗心, 没泯灭.

    之后一部是电影<如果爱>.音乐真的有点太少了.才10首歌,还敢叫音乐剧.不过总要迈出第一步.看着看着,隐约觉得片中的张学友很像

我爱的Phantom.伟大的爱,在于懂得放手. 而且两个人唱歌都是如此的好听.相比较,Christine的爱人Roual和金城武的角色都太单薄.

可能是音乐太好了,让张学友魅力无限.金城武太帅,这是没办法的事.1个多小时的电影,边看我边念叨,太帅了.不过张学友更有内涵.拍着个

片的导演也拍过<甜蜜蜜>,我最喜欢的爱情片.结尾总是给人遐想的空间. 黎明和张曼玉最后有没有在一起?周迅到底心中爱谁?如果真有

"如果",到底有没有"爱"?

    是音乐感动了我,还是爱?

 

 

    今天上午上班不是很忙,在MSN上看见了一个老朋友,很多年前在北京认识的.去年结婚了,今天给我说,他要当爹了.

没有一点惊奇,我向他祝贺.

    我们在一起有一段故事,虽然我从没对任何人提起过.我喜欢过他,他信基督教,可能是有着虔诚信仰的缘故,他对人生

非常积极.和他在一起,如同沐浴在阳光中,人会快乐.暑假的无聊和高考的失利让我的那段人生极其昏暗.但每天期盼的是能

见到他. 见到他,如同苍白腐朽的大病一场后突然来到了空气新鲜的草地.

    我没有对他说出任何,只是经常见到他.他那时,是我的英文家教. 他教我听Bill Clinton的演讲,教我写求职信.但最重要的是,

他是第一个告诉我,我应该在我的人生中做更多我喜欢的事情的人.他告诉我不应该被金钱驱使,人生的大部分的时间都应该

沉浸在美好和快乐中.

    在后来我的人生中,我没有听他的. 我更甚至的认识了一堆和我一样喜欢追名追利,生活如打仗的人.这帮人中,有的会因为

算命说自己能赚很多钱却永远不够话而想自杀,有的如同电影中的日本人奋进的场景般,每次见到他,都会想起

一个日本人头上带个白布条,写了个加油,或者忍.我们永远都对自己不满意,或者是对我们所得到的不满意.

    现在想起他,他没有只说漂亮话.他如同他所说的,去做了.他在一个海边的城市教书.可以看到四季的大海.宁静,安详和快乐.

    当他告诉我他喜欢我的时候,我早已经因为无聊,让自己的身边围上了男孩. 于是我对他说了no.

   其实,所谓的Mr Right,并不是真正一个perfectly right for you的人.只是这个人恰巧出现在了right time, right place. 我们

错过了彼此,什么都没对.我们喜欢对方的时间没对上,地点似乎也不对.

    好多事情都怕有"假如",因为人们会因为"假如"而所累. 假如当时我们在一起了,他现在不会结婚,更没可能当爹.或者我们早已

分开,留下了一段比现在更awful的记忆.

    他说他在修第二语言,他选了德文.我说为什么不选法文,如果你选了法文,我还请你当家教,因为我生活在法语区.一句话,似乎把

我们都带回了回忆.

    他仍然快乐阳光般的生活,我仍然如他所想的美丽.我们可以大致设想到对方以何种姿态生活,但只是曾经,不小心的永远错过了彼此.

   

  

    春天终于来了.对于加拿大大部分地方来说,春天来的是晚了点儿.尤其是我们这里,似乎下星期还要下点雪.

5月后的两个星期是渥太华一年一度的郁金香节.每年都会有成批成批的郁金香由荷兰运到渥太华.据说是荷兰人为了感谢加拿大曾经在战争时期

的帮助.来加拿大这么多年,从来没好好过过春天和夏天.今年一定要去.

   记得我高中时期有个好友,我们叫她叶子.她写过一篇文章,似乎叫做<享受孤独>.文章写的很绝美.所谓绝美,在我看来,就是很美,但是却有一番说

不出的悲伤在其中.她在课堂上朗读,我仔细的听着:很是感动.绝美的文章无法只依靠高超的写作技术,她需要宁静致远的心态,和极其冷静的头脑,并

有一丝丝情绪的点缀,不多,不少.

    她在文章中写到,她每年都会去天坛看春天的花儿.今年仍然去了,一个人去的. 人要享受孤独,寂寞则是一种心态.似乎猛然一听,有点矫情.

但其实这种话从一个15岁的小女孩口中说出,决非普通.其实和庄子的一些理念很契合.我来到加拿大后,看见了多少留学生,无法忍受孤寂.天天

一帮人缠绕在一起.结成小圈子.

    原来,世界上有这么多难以忍受寂寞的人呢.

    听了叶子的文章,我也想去天坛看花儿,却从没有机会去过:我家离天坛太远,离地坛很近.离出国的两年,北京开始闹沙尘暴,把本是美好的春天

全部抹杀了.再后来就出国,即使回去也是吃吃玩玩.在路上我被一些事迷花了眼睛,却忘了我本来出发的目的.

    怀念北京春天的柳絮和桂花香;夏天的蝉鸣,和在游泳池晒成泥猴儿般的我们的过去;秋天的习习凉风和傍晚的饭香;冬天的糖炒栗子和糖葫芦.

    其实生活中有很多联系.在加拿大我遇见了flora,我头脑在停顿了一秒后,给她起了"花儿"的外号.和她英文名字很契合.就象我喜欢花儿乐队一样,

一帮年轻的北京小孩, 我对花儿这个词儿有着感情,不经意间形成的感情.

    花儿和叶子性格虽然完全不同,但都是能够享受孤独的人.从不缠着别人做什么事.独立并且有头脑.

    和叶子分手的男朋友都多年无法忘掉她,对他们,或者对我来说,她都是个传说.做人可以如此淡定和坦然,我曾经多次问自己,她如何做到的?

 

    我几天前跟花儿说,让她5月跟我去渥太华看花.不是北京的桃花儿或丁香,而是荷兰的空运郁金香. 希望她能去.

    我会穿着花衣服,在国会大楼前的广场上,享受着和煦的阳光和微风.郁金香一定会晃花我的眼睛.

 

    让我们看花儿去!